ARFID Is Not Fussy Eating: It’s a Phobia in Disguise

If your child only eats five foods — and all of them are white, beige, or carb-based — you’re not alone. Maybe they gag at the sight of a vegetable, cry at the smell of something new, or panic if the texture’s “off.” You’ve been told it’s fussy eating, or worse, that it’s your fault for not “pushing through.”

Let’s clear something up: this isn’t bad behaviour or pickiness — it’s fear.What you’re likely dealing with is ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder), also known as Selective Eating Disorder (SED) — and it’s not a choice. It’s a phobia dressed up as food refusal.

It’s Not About Taste — It’s About Safety

Kids with ARFID aren’t being difficult. They’re scared. Somewhere deep in their nervous system, food became unsafe. This often begins in the toddler years, not because of the food itself, but because of emotional distress that overwhelmed the child’s sense of control.

Maybe there was a divorce, a move, a hospital stay, or a period of intense stress or perhaps they choked on food. Toddlers can’t explain what they’re feeling — but they can find ways to regain control. And one of the few things they can control? What goes in their mouth.

In ARFID, the child assigns the role of "Food Safety Officer" to a hypervigilant part of their brain — one that carefully scans every bite for danger. Over time, only a narrow list of “safe” foods are approved — often processed, bland, and predictable: hot chips, plain pasta, white bread, cheese pizza, chicken nuggets.

This Is a Phobic Response, Not a Power Struggle

ARFID is not about stubbornness. ARFID is not a fussy eating, it's a phobia. It’s more like a child having a panic attack at the dinner table.

Imagine being terrified of heights and being forced to climb a ladder while everyone tells you to “just try harder.” That’s what mealtimes can feel like for a child with ARFID. Their refusal isn’t defiance — it’s protection. And when they sense pressure, shame, or bribery, it often makes the fear worse.

Why This Is So Often Misunderstood

ARFID is still poorly understood, even by some health professionals. It doesn’t fit the usual eating disorder mould because it’s not about body image or weight. Instead, it’s about anxiety and the nervous system.

Children with ARFID often have:

• A sensitive temperament

• A history of medical trauma (e.g., choking, reflux, sensory issues)

• High anxiety or OCD traits

• A need for predictability and control

• Early disruptions to emotional safety (e.g., moving house, parental separation, illness)

In many cases, parents are wrongly blamed. In truth, ARFID is not caused by bad parenting. It’s a nervous system response to overwhelm — and your child is doing the best they can with the tools they have.

So What Can You Do?

Here’s what helps:

🔹 Regulate, don’t pressure. Focus on reducing stress and increasing emotional safety around food.

🔹 Work with a therapist who understands phobic responses.

🔹 Use gentle exposure, not force. Tiny, no-pressure steps can desensitise the fear response over time.

🔹 Heal the root. For some children, processing the original emotional distress (divorce, illness, separation) can ease their grip on food control.

🔹 Consider hypnotherapy. This therapy work with the unconscious and help shift trauma and fear from the inside out — without needing to relive it.

You’re Not Alone, and It’s Not Hopeless

Recovery from ARFID is possible. I have worked with many kids and adults and succesfully increased the number of foods they eat. One child improved their eating by fifteen different foods. They started to eat eggs, bacon, ham, cheese....When I work with your child I ask you to bring a taste testing plate with at least ten different foods, each time and after the session they get to try the foods. They are often surprised by what they now like.

If you're seeking support for your child (or even yourself — many adults live silently with ARFID), I offer a gentle, body-based approach that works with the nervous system and unconscious mind to release fear and restore safety. The style of therapy I use is parts therapy combined with hypnotherapy. It's been really effective for changing eating habits.

However it only works when the eating disorder is born of phobia and it doesn't work with those kids that have sensory issues. Contact me to understand how to tell the difference.